My Future Freshman and I Prepare for Higher Ed

It’s the most wonderful time of the year for moms like moi: back-to-school. This year brought an added bonus for this parental funding source: I just sent my son off for his first year of college. My credit cards and I are still recuperating from the big buying (think the third grade supply list on steroids), pack-up, and moving spree. Take a look at some recent getting-ready-for-college datebook entries and you’ll see why:

Monday
I field frantic cell phone calls from fellow "boy moms" about how their sons won’t buy or pack anything and e-mails from "girl moms" about how their daughters won’t stop buying and packing everything.

My scholar-to-be goes to a beach party.

Wednesday
I do some field research at a late afternoon showing of “Accepted” – a funnier-then-expected-and-even-a-touch-touching flick about a kid who starts his own fake college after getting rejecting from every school he applied to.

My future freshman and friends catch a midnight screening of that superb example of cinematic genius, "Snakes on a Plane.”

Friday
I run out for last minute gotta-have-‘em supplies: duct tape (our post-9/11 in-home lifetime emergency supply has gone AWOL), poster sticky stuff, and a tool kit, plus Extra Strength Advil for me and band-aids for my oh-so-handy husband.

My soon-to-be-student buys one item: a thig-a-ma-jig that will let him listen to his iPod in the car that he is not bringing with him to college.

So...you get the picture. Off for now: gotta go figure out how to listen to my iPod in the car; expect I’ll be as successful with this gizmo as I’ve been with my hands-free cell phone attachment (i.e. not very).

Comments

For the very first time, my daugher actually requested to drive my mommy-van. It was the only vehicle big enough to haul all her stuff down to school...and only after she removed the second and third row seats, which are still sitting in the middle of the garage. Boy packing would be a refreshing change!

Your thoughts are in sync with mine. We could be sisters! I LOVE the way you capture everyday life. Looking forward to many more laughs from "Embedded in the 'burbs."

I love your blog! Your comments remind me of last summer and my frantic shopping for my son's new life at college. I think it was my last dash at being maternal. Nesting was not his thing.

Boys are easy when it comes to packing. Our son made getting ready for school look like he was going away for the weekend. As usual he wanted nothing new- he tolerated my buying him the extra long sheets and comforter he had to have. He saw little reason to pack ahead of time as he said we could just throw it all in the car the morning we left for NYC. It turned out he was right about that. We packed up the car- it was suprisingly crowded with all his equipment and drove off. When we got to his room and unpacked it all, the clothes hung in the closet looking a bit lonely. It was a bit of a letdown.

I think that was the last time I ever saw his room. At any rate now he is a sophomore- and I think he is still wearing his high school t-shirts. He's very happy and we hear from once in a while for more funds....

Hi, Laurie. GREAT blog! Very on the money with life in the suburbs and moms and their kids. I'm not at the college stage yet. Mine just started high school and the other is finishing elementary. But I'll learn from you!

Congrats on surviving the big college drop-off! Savor this time--in just nine short months you'll be back to take all his stuff home again.

Your thoughts brought back many "happy" memories!! When my oldest son was about to go to college, I got so nervous about the outgoing money that I went on a BIG shopping spree, for myself!!! Keep writing and giving us smiles!!

Hey Laurie.....great blog. Makes me just
oh so anticipatory of a year from now when my oldest daughter ventures off into the world of college. Hopefully, she'll fall somewhere in the middle...pack a little, shop a little...I can only hope!!!

Duct Tape??? O-M-G we didn't get that! I thought I covered everything, having spent several gorgeous summer days poring over "get ready for college" lists. Of course, my son, like the guy you know and love, chose hanging with friends over shopping, so I spent more beach days running around suburbia with my bright yellow checklist folder.

I take comfort in the fact that if the kid can't survive without the duct tape, he can purchase it with one of the many cards we loaded up when we brought him to school: the atm card from the local bank, the school's card that is good at several local eateries and convenience stores, and the "just for emergencies" credit card. Would the need for a grande vanilla frappucino count as an emergency? ...

Looking foward to more "Embedded."

I'm having quite a few chuckles as I'm reading through other parents' experiences packing up and delivering their freshmen to college.

Believe it or not, we actually brought a power drill with us when we took our freshman to college! It came in handy when my husband ended up fixing some broken desk drawers in our son's dorm.

It was a great "ice breaker"!

Hi, Laurie! As I sit embedded in the City, I still appreciate your funny insights. Best of luck with your blog!

My oldest son just left for college, sounds like they all pack the same. I need help! My son is a freshman, living in the dorms hour and 1/2 away from home. Loves the school, and it sounds like he is doing fine with classes. My problem is he comes home every Friday early afternoon, and doesn't leave until Sunday Late afternoon. Why? Not to see me...but to continue seeing his 16yr old girl friend. He is trying to have the best of both worlds, new friends, excitement of college while floppping down and sitting around with the hschool girl friend. So, he is half is college and half at home. My husband and I told him he made the decion to go away to college that he could not come home until Thansgiving. We are trying to make him grwo up, they think we are trying to break them up.Any Suggestions?

Trust me, I'm not an expert on this, but I am one who has watched several friends of mine have similar kinds of issues with their "all grown-up" but needy freshmen. It's basically a "crutch" for your son to be with his GF every weekend.

He is not experiencing all of the other parts of college life on the weekends --the sports activities, the parties, the dances, and just hanging out with and meeting new people if he's at college only 4 1/2 days a week.

But the school year just started!

Is his girl friend applying to college this year? If so, she may then
become "geographically undesireable."
Or if she is only a junior in HS, I bet that she could be "left in the dust" as soon as your college son goes to her friend's parties with her -- think Junior Prom.

Parents: Don't let this issue create a rift among you all. Their relationship may soon "die a natural death". Just grin and bear it for now. Before you know it, he'll be with someone else at his own college -- with new problems!

I agree with R. Berkey. Don't make too big an issue out of it, and I do think it will die its own death.
Does your son's college have a football team, though? I'm kind of surprised that he's willing to skip those home game weekends, which are a lot of fun, but I think his coming home is better than her going to see him, if you think about it, so I applaud her parents for not allowing that. I think it's way too hard to wait until T'giving, but what about every other weekend instead?

Thank you for your input it helps. To answer some questions, she is 16 Jr. in Hschool and will start driving sometime middle of Oct. She is very attractive, very spoilded (rich family). We moved him into the dorm Friday morning, left early afternoon, her mother took her to the University as soon as she got out of school that afternnon. My son had to take her home then drive all the way back. I thought all this would end when he left for UK. He came home this weekend, my husband and I had a very straight forward talk w/him about sex, and getting the most out of college life. He is happy, had plenty of stories to tell, about his classes, new friends and the campus. Bottom line, he is not home sick,& he's not love sick. He's just having his cake and eating it too. I agree, he will eventually outgrow this relationship. So I will do my best to support him, and let nature take it cource.

It sounds to me like you're nosing a bit too much into his life. If he's living in residence at college, he's probably getting plenty of "college life" throughout the week, so who cares if he comes home to see his GF? Who says he has to stay there? He seems happy with his situation so let him be.

Ok everyone. Breath. I am 23 year old graduate from University of Florida with a B.A. in Speech Pathology. Now I'm pursuing my Masters in Speech Pathology at NSU. About the college thing. Just let your kids be. As long as you don't suspect they are doing drugs or breaking the law, they need to just experience it on their own. For the most part, kids learn after their freshman year the valueable lessons. Please, also, do not expect your child to call you every day. Expect once or twice a week (if you are lucky). Also, if your child doesnt know what they want to do with their life, its ok. I changed mine 3 times (and now I LOVE my career) and most change their at least once. The most thing you can do as parents? Make sure they are not on drugs or becoming alcoholics (I mean drinking during the week and WEEKEND. your kids WILL party.). Make sure their grades are up. Make sure they get internships early on. And last but not least, the one thing every college student appreciates from family is carepackages. Good luck!

It's a girl - so of course, the dining room has been full of "Bed Bath and Beyond" bags for two weeks! I'm thrilled and excited for her. UCLA is a great honor, and close enough that I can visit when I need a daughter-fix. The biggest problem is, she's been such a joy, I'm really going to miss her!

Ha!! Don't be so general!! My daughter would totally be considered a boy-packer, and she is anything but a tomboy (voted Prettiest and Homecoming Princess, thank you very much!). I laughed at the ipod gadget-buying, that's exactly what she did. Not only that, she waited until the NIGHT BEFORE SHE LEFT to start the pack-o-rama, and it was after 11 pm. (She was helping other people pack!) Not that we didn't warn and beg her to get it together sooner, in fact, that was nearly a month ago and we are still exhausted from a whirl wind summer with her. And her room?! OMG!! Looks like a tornado hit it. So sad tho--bed unmade, crap everywhere....
Anyhoo, so glad I found your blog, I really enjoy it!

You nailed it. The getting ready for college shop 'til you drop marathon almost made me look back on the application process days with nostalgia. I'm sooo glad my friend emailed me the link to "Embedded in the 'Burbs."

My now husband did that driving back and forth when he went away to college and I stayed home for a year. His parents were very concerned about it. Much to their consternation at the time, we eventually graduated from college, married, went on to have successful careers and one very funny 7 year old boy. I am glad he didn't outgrow me ;) And his parents were still hoping he would on our wedding day LOL.

Having an "away" girl friend when a guy is in college CAN be a positive experience for a couple. It teaches them to budget their time so they visit each other and it "tests" their relationship when they are not together.
My husband and I had a 5 year Long Distance Relationship when we were in college and law school. (there were no cell phones, emails, and only one
car) But we did write letters and they became our "love letters".

I still believe 31 years later, that the "inlaws" were surprised that we got married. But, too bad --we now have two wonderful sons, both who are in college.
Now my older college son started a serious relationship with a girl right before she left to go abroad for a year. Their time being apart just made their relationship stronger and better.

I can assure you that I didn't take my cues from the experiences we had with the "inlaws" -- I'm the opposite: supportive and happy for the kids.
And how do you think those inlaws feel?
Like lightening struck twice!