Tricks of the Trade

Yes, I know it’s only mid-September but the bags of candy corn (c’mon, who really eats candied kernels of fake vegetables when they could be popping peanut M&M’s?) are already on the shelves of my local Stop & Shop. Out here in the child-centric suburbs, a parent’s mind turns to Halloween right after the homework-free honeymoon ends (i.e. day two of school).

I admit right now that I have very conflicted feelings about this holiday. I like the whole idea of it (fun, kids, junk food, and costumes). It’s just the actual experience (all that forced fun, all those cranky kids coming down from sugar highs, all that tempting junk food just-for-the-taking, and all those tacky tyrannosaurus rex costumes) that I could do without.

Then again, maybe my feelings stem from the fact that during my less-than-illustrious career as head of our Halloween household, I have actually:

1. Had to replenish our stash of Snickers and Three Musketeers on the morning of the big day – because someone (hint: she's WAY too old to collect her candy the legitimate way) got carried away taste-testing the treats her never-gains-an-ounce chocoholic husband insisted on purchasing three weeks earlier.

2. Resorted to buying Trident and little boxes of raisins in order not to tempt you-know-who.

3. Smooshed up the icing on Hostess cupcakes the better to pass them off as home-baked for a classroom party.

4. Spent way too much on a piece of polyester that purported to be the latest popular cartoon character only to have it rip right after being put on.

5. Created original costumes for my kids (hey, my daughter insisted on being a horse one year, not a popular commercial costume choice) that drew blank stares and “What's that supposed to be?” queries from their more sensibly polyestered peers.

Then again, at least I haven’t resorted to giving out nutritionally-friendly stickers and coloring books, or shutting off the front porch lights to pretend no one was home. Yet.

Comments

i am on the edge of 40, stay at home with my 3 and 4 year old boys. last year our preschool teacher had the kids dress as what they wanted to be when the grew up. all anthony wanted to be was like daddy. so we made a welder's hood and put daddy's name on his shirt. it was a big hit. holidays are advertised to early.my boys would rather decorate the house and pass out candy, then do all that walking in the dark.lucky me:) my guilty halloween pleasure is peanut butter kisses. YUMMY! ourboysrule.spaces.live

Ummm, I'm looking for this "edgier, hipper" mom adveritsed on ivillage? I thought this was the link? I guess I'm wrong because all Is ee is some old lady who looks like my mom/ dr. laura cross.

Someone needs to look up "edgy" (ahem ivillage ahem)

I'd like to go back to the days of polyester princess costumes--I want to throw a burka over the "costumes" my teenage daughters want to wear.

I'm going to have to go with Allycat on this one. I am a regular contributor to the 20ish parent board. My oldest is 4 years old- a bare 6 years ago I was still going to raves in Chicago and Detroit, barely starting my writing career, and living in a studio apartment with two dogs.

I've been blasted to the burbs with my marriage and subsequent house purchaisng, baby rearing whirlwind, but still consider myself an edgy mom.

Sorry, but a near-grandma whose only claim to "hip" is that she doesn't drive a mini van isn't cutting it with us 20-somethings- the REAL hip, edgy moms. (Those who will pay 25$ to a babysitter so we can drink a latte in peace at the local beanery or see the newest released independent film festival)

Hey allycat and sunnydaze! I like this site! I look and feel great at 40. Had my kids late, 3 and 4 yr old boys. Older moms are cool too! I still wear the same size I did in high school size 4, Post pictures on an adult web site, make cupcakes for school, still remember hang overs, my husband and I still get freaky. I love to chat with others cool moms. ourboysrule.spaces.live

i'm twenty something, and i may not have kids (a friend who does told me about your blog) but i think you are totally hip, and very funny and was wondering if you have written any books? if you haven't- you should.

Jamie, You made my day! Thanks for ths nice words about the blog. I actually have written a book of humorous essays which is being pitched to publishers now, so keep your fingers crossed. In the meantime, though Erma Bombeck is from a whole other generation, she wrote several books and a lot of her stuff still rings true. Thanks for posting! Laurie

Wow, ally-cat, that's harsh. I just came upon this site for the first time and read your comment. If you consider yourself so hip and cool, start your own blog, post your picture and find out for yourself that everyone's a critic.
As for the beanery lady, you're getting ripped off! That coffee is expensive (and the beans are probably burned to give you the illusion they are high quality. Stop following the pack of suburbanites who hang out at coffee shops and get out and do something!