Wardrobe Hang-Ups

The other day I experienced the convergence of two happenings in my personal life the odds of which occurring simultaneously are about as rare as a lunar eclipse (or, in my case, one of my kids volunteering to take out the garbage): 1) I lost five whole pounds (I know Kirstie Alley just lost 70, but I still think five is a big deal, and besides, I don’t plan on modeling a bikini on "Oprah" any time soon, or more accurately, ever) AND 2) I had one whole hour of unscheduled, blissfully free time.

I know, unbelievable, huh? So instead of leaving well enough alone, I decided to venture into that scary of all possible places. Not my psyche – my (shudder) closet (also known as “where fashion mistakes go to die”) to embark on a shopping trip of sorts to see which clothes might be added back into my wardrobe rotation. Now if you’re anything like moi, and I am guessing I am far from alone here, while I have NOTHING TO WEAR, my scary place is actually crammed full of three separate sizes of clothing, as follows:

The Ideal: The size I hit for about three-and-a-half minutes in ‘97 on the grapefruit diet (think the college applicant’s “reach” schools: within the realm of possibility, but probably not happening unless Daddy donates a new stadium).

The Real: The size I really am most of the time (think “realistic” schools: you may not be dying to go there, but it’s a comfortable fit and "all" the 'rents have to shell out is tuition).

The (too) Comfy: The size that makes me wish for the return of the mu-mu (think “safety” schools: you can definitely get in, but you really don’t want to be there).

So, what was my verdict size-wise? My “real” size is actually a bit roomy, but the “ideal” is still too t-i-g-h-t. Think size limbo (like being wait-listed, it's better than an out-and-out rejection, but not exactly a "feel good" place to be).

That’ll teach me to venture back into the closet.

Comments

Don't forget that there is always the possibility that those "Reach Clothes" might become "Wait Listed"...don't get rid of them just yet. Hey, you never know.

Actually, my friend, Ellen, just mentioned to me that she has her own closet full of "WEIGHT-listed" clothes. Again, hey, you never know...

Laurie,

Thanks ever so much for your feedback. I love all your blogs. Sorry I can't write more but I'm being kicked off my sister's machine....mine needs a new motherboard...waaaa.

Cheers,
Funny Mom,
Sherry

I really like this blog and look forward to reading it on my break. Any hints about how to lose 5 lbs right before Thanksgiving and the holidays? I wish I could fit in my "ideal" wardrobe for a few weeks! Was it exercise, portion control, or stress?

Dear Eternal (and fellow sisters-in-diet cyberhood),

It was STRESS...over having to watch my portions and exercise (yeech!)

Bloggingly yours, Laurie

DON'T go there -- into my closetphobia. My man laughs when I say I have nothing to wear. Clearly he doesn't appreciate that a closet packed end to end with clothes (read different sizes) offers up nothing that actually fits. Meanwhile his closet content in total consists of: 4 pairs of jeans that are 4 years old, 2 buttondown shirts, 10 football team logo jerseys, 3 sweaters (all the same because he "doesn't see sense in shopping around when you find one that you like"), one severely outdated tie (works construction, never suits-up except for weddings and funerals) and one blazer (never suits up except for weddings and funerals). Worst part? No matter how much his weight fluctates it all still fits (semi-) OK! Meantime, I can't cram another thing in my closet and STILL nothing seems to fit.

my holiday gift to you: the secret formula for thin for life ... no sugar and white flour ... yes green vegetables and protein ... result size 6 jeans! xx

Beauty

From unreal "beauty" standards
Dove says we should be free
Size 2 fashion samples...
Dove says they're not the key

"Beauty" is within us all
We simply have to be...
Able to acknowledge it
Look beyond skin deep to see

We'd save a lot of money
Without the spending spree
Which leads us on the endless quest
To find... adequacy

We've been sold a message
So gullible are we
For the sake of "beauty"
Risking pain and injury

Chinese feet used to be bound
If the person was a she
T'was the price of "beauty" then
Now stilettos...the same fee

We've crammed into Manolos
Smiling with our glee
But now that Dove has spoken
No more of those for me

My footwear now is comfy
It allows me now to flee
To downtown homeless shelters
Where my help needs to be

I want to pay it forward
So hope you'll hear my plea
Take what you would have spent on
Shoes and give to charity

The emptiness you felt before
Will vanish suddenly
When your inner beauty
Is finally set free