That's So Special

Oops. Our (collective) bad. According to the results of a recent study conducted by five psychologists, this generation of college students is more self-centered and narcissistic than previous ones.

Wow. Now that’s a surprise (not). As a parent of two (of course fabulous, giving, altruistic, etc., etc., etc.) kids who were raised and educated at the height of the “self-esteem” movement, I can’t say I am shocked. Everything (and I mean everything) from pre-K on was about instilling in one’s offspring the fact that he or she was special. "Experts," educators, and the media encouraged parents to wax poetic about everything their little progenies did, made, or said. A scribble became the work of a future Picasso. A rendition of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” was the performance of a Broadway star-to-be. A basket meant a for-sure spot in the NBA. Great job, that’s fabulous, unbelievable! Superlatives were the order of the day. Because, said the educators, our kids were special, special, special!

And now…guess what? The study examined the responses of 16,475 college students to something called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI), a test that measures just what it sounds like. Two-thirds of the students tested in 2006 had above average scores, 30% more than those evaluated when the NPI was first introduced in 1982. Says the study’s lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University: “We need to stop endlessly repeating ‘You’re special’ and having children repeat that back. Kids are self-centered enough already.”

Well, now you tell us. It just goes to show that the latest parenting and educational fads may not stand the test of time (the whole “throw out phonics and just use the whole language” approach to reading comes to mind, but that’s the topic of another blog…). I have to admit that even though I found it downright nauseating at times, I did try to nurture my little darlings’ self-esteem (that’s what the experts said to do, right?) while attempting to throw in some realistic feedback. But another parent’s esteem-building effort sticks in my mind to this day. When her child lost a swimming meet, she praised him with this positive feedback: “Great breathing!” (Though for all I know, the kid might be enjoying a successful career as a trombonist as I type this.)

So, yes, of course we want our kids to feel good about themselves. But clearly there has to be a happy medium between unfettered praise (think Paula Abdul) and cringe-inducing feedback (Simon). Want to experience the fallout from all that esteem-boosting? Just rewind the American Idol “bad” audition shows (ouch). Yes, these contestants really do think they can sing. ‘Cause after all, they are special, special, special.

Comments

Where did you get the idea that educators were the people who decided that everyone's children were so special? I've been in education a long time and usually we're accused of being too tough. Trust me, parents came up with this one all on their own. Myself included!

Susie, Maybe it was just my area, but I remember my daughter's nursery school sponsoring a "self esteem week!" As with any good idea, we parents may have taken it too far...
Thanks for posting! Ciao, Laurie

Yeah...we're seeing the issues come up in high school. We have one little darling whose parents have said that their kid's self-esteem is shot (and thus can't do work) because he had to go infront of the disciplinary board for cheating a second time. They are mad that the school disciplined him in this way. Hello...it's what we do here. Hello...have you heard of consequences? Hello...what was his excuse for doing jack before?

Fortunately my mother was a realist. I excelled in swimming and ice skating. When I took tap dancing lessons I was awful. At my recital my mom told me to just run across the stage and maybe no one would notice me. That may sound cruel, but when she praised me for my swim meets I knew it was honest praise.

Ukyankee--I hear you. I am also a teacher and the "not my darling" syndrome makes me want to puke.

Excellent topic. I work with a major testing company and hear the results of this genre of upbringing every day. "Whine whine, why didn't I pass? Whine, whine, but I'm smart! I deserve a higher score! Your company is screwing me." I am also a mom of kids aged 15, 18, and 24 and have indulged all 3. Unfortunately most of us have raised a generation of smug, selfish, entitled young adults. When these adults enter the real world (ie as an intern in a teaching hospital, or as an employee in a corporation) these special products of their environment will receive a special wakeup call.

avidreader - they already are...it's being found that the generation of new workers is having a hard time keeping a job. They move from job to job because they just can't believe that they have to get someone's coffee or photocopy that much...and where's the praise for doing my job? They don't realize that in the real world, you don't get praise for every little thing you do - in fact, there's rarely a bit of praise. So they are having a really tough time. But hopefully they'll learn and eventually, be ready to handle the up and coming smug, selfish and entitled youngsters.

It will be interesting to see how this generation raises their children.

Another example of kids believing they're so special...the girls who appeared on The Today Show to further thumb their noses at the school administration...after lying to the principal and being defended by their parents for doing so.

Let's review how these oh so special children get to view themselves as oh so special. Their parents tell them they can do no wrong and that they are above the rules.

School officials make decisions based on the well being of everyone in their charge, not just those who consider themselves superior.

Some parents are seeking to feel more powerful (special?) themselves when they take on a school issue, hoping to become a hero in the eyes of the kids.

How many parents actually look beyond their own vantage point to see the viewpoint of the school?

How many parents would relish having the role of a school principal?

How many parents respect those who work in education?

How many parents demonstrate to their kids that school personnel are not worthy of respect?

Great post! I totally think this is true! Where is the balance between building them up, and then never teaching them about personal responsibility and making mistakes? Another great article on self-centered is there!
http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/Common_Traits_Of_The_Self-Centered_Person.aspx