I Wanna Parenting Do-Over

"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children." King Edward VIII (1894-1972) Well, this royal was obviously ahead of his time. I’m sure he’d positively roll over in his grave if he had a listen in on what goes on chez moi (yours too, perchance?).

This quote did start me thinking. And the thought was that I wish I had been stricter with my kids were they were younger. I don’t spend my time regretting much in the way of my parenting – what’s done is done, after all – but if I had it to do over again, I think I would’ve been tougher, especially about doing chores.

So tell us, what would (or will) you do differently when it comes to raising your kids?

Comments

You looked great on the Today Show this morning!

I am a soon-to-be-step parent, and "my" girls are perfect. I wouldn't change anything. :-)

I am a new step-mom also. He is a 9 year old boy...I am his only mom...birthmom is not in the picture at all. My husband was very lax with him because he was trying to "makeup" for his birthmom leaving him. That is not an excuse, just the facts. Anyway, he had little to NO structure in his life before I came along. I have been his mom for almost 4 months...and I am pretty firm and structured...he has adjusted REALLY well. Myhusband praises me often for how great we are all doing with the structure. We are all shocked at how well he has adjusted to having more rules/limits.
Sometimes however, I am afraid of being TOO firm. Expecting him to be "Perfect". I dont want him to resent me in his teen years. Right now he is just wanting to please me in everyway...but that newness is going to wear off....Any suggestions???

Loved the "Today Show" appearance. I want that shirt. Re: this topic, I was too permissive and my kids have to be asked 3 times before they will get up and run a vacuum, or do their own laundry or load/unload the dishwasher.

Raechelle - Wow, you are in an interesting situation. I think my girls are perfect because they ask me to teach them how to do things like cook, clean, and do laundry! They even say PLEASE! They love boundaries and I think it's cause they're just not used to having any. That may be happening in your case too...the only thing we steps can do is our best, just like "real" moms. We can also stick together....good luck!! Sounds like you're having a really positive impact on this kid's life!!

Thank Lara...I am pretty lucky...I have a fabulous new husband and SON!!
We saw an attorney last night to start adoption process. I am looking forward to that!!!

Laurie writes...

"I Wanna Parenting Do-Over"

I’LL GIVE YOU THANKS

Thank you for
The swing set.
Thank you for
The sky.

Thank you for
The bushes
They played in
By and by.

Thank you for
The hammock.
Thank you for
The tree.

Thank you for
The piles and piles
Of stubborn stained
Laundry.

Thank you for
Ten children.
Horrific, birthing
Pain.

Thank you for
The people,
Who said
I was insane.

Thank you for
The doctor.
Thank you for
The nurse.

Thank you for
My mother dear
Who put on
Me a curse!

Thank you for
My life,
Though I’m no
Who of Who’s…

But Lord
Don’t ya think,
It’s time
I get a cruise?!

THAT'S THE KIND OF MAKEOVER I WANT!! ;-)

As a lawyer whose mother was a cleaning lady, I can tell you that my children were assigned chores from the age of 5. They get a sense of accomplishment from seeing that they are contributing to the family.

I will never forget my mother telling me of how she was expected to clean the bedrooms of spoiled rich kids, who reclined on their beds watching TV as she picked up their toys, dusted their furniture and scrubbed their toilets. When they spoke to her at all, it was with disdain, using the same scornful voices they used to address their parents.

While my mother was doing for these kids what they could have done for themselves, my siblings and I did all of the housework in our home. We saw ourselves as useful and productive.

Far from being robbed of time to be creative, we learned to manage time well enough to fulfill our responsibilities in addition to pursuing music, art and literature.

I truly respect my children for the way they respect others. It's sad to see parents raising spoiled brats.

Andrea, Thanks for your very thoughful comments. I agree wholeheartedly that kids benefit from being productive members of their families and households and did not mean to infer that my own kids were spoiled. There are clear standards of behavior, including responsibility for chores, that they adhere to. I just wish I had given them even more responsibilities and at younger ages. Fortunately, they turned out to be polite, respectful and hard-working. Kudos to your mom for the wonderful job she did with you and your siblings. What a terrific role model for us all! Cheers, Laurie

I don't have children yet, but my mother once asked me what would I do differently in raising my own children then she and my father did. So I have given this some thought. I was expected to do well in school and be respectful, but I was never required to do chores and as an adult it has been a long hard road adjusting to having to clean up after onself. So, when I have children I want to have structure and boundaries, and I want them to contribute to the household (as far as chores) so that they will have the confidence and independence to succeed in their own households one day.

Wow, well said, Michelle! Sounds like you will make an absolutely terrific mom on day. Thanks for reading and writing. Cheers, Laurie

how do u try not to do over ur kids room when they clean it themselves? my daughter is 7 and her brother is 5 and another daughter 3 and another son 1. i know that the 7 and 5 and 3 yr old can clean up but they put it under their beds?