Inquiring Moms Want to Know

The other night, our two dogs took my son and me for a leisurely walk around the block. Aha! I thought. A perfect opportunity to spend a little quality time together—my son and I, that is; the dogs and I are positively drowning in quality time, what with me being their primary personal chef and all. So as the dogs sniffed at things I tried not to get too close to and otherwise explored the great outdoors, I attempted to engage my son in a little friendly conversation.

ME: “So, how are you?”
HIM: “Fine.”
ME: “How’s the summer intern thing going?”
HIM: “It’s good.”
ME: “So, tell me. Are you planning to shave anytime within the next fiscal year?”
HIM: “God, mom, are you such a nag at work, too? I bet you’re the one that everyone complains about around the water cooler.”

Well, gosh, I certainly hope not. I actually think I may be pretty popular around my office, except maybe with the person I outted for “borrowing” the chicken from my lunch. But whether popular or just pleasantly delusional, I do know that when I ask a co-worker what they thought of "Knocked Up," or if they found a new apartment, or which college their daughter had decided to attend, they actually seem happy to answer. Me, a nag? I don't think so. I prefer to think of myself as “politely curious and interested in other people.”

So basically, I realize, the difference between home and work is at work, people are happy to answer my questions and then ask me some of their own. At home, someone likes to keep the chit chat to a minimum. Except, of course, when he’s a little short of the price of that concert ticket.

Comments

I know exactly what you mean! My son attributes traits to me that my colleagues would never recognize. But as Anna Quindlen reminds us in her book, A Short Guide to a Happy Life, "Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work."

I feel as though I have really gotten to know you through your writing and you do not strike me as a nag...If you want to meet a nag, contact me!

Sorry, but to your children you do seem like a nag. If your son has a summer intern job he is getting older and soon will be considered an adult. (As scary as that may be.) Do you ask the people you work with if they are planning on shaving in the next fiscal year? Next time ask him what he is going to do with the money and surprise him by telling him the crazy thing you would spend a little on. He would think you were a little more on the same level then.

I don't think that Laurie's questions are out of line. When I ask my (middle) daughter about her life, I also receive monosylabic grunt replies. This prompts a parental lecture concerning manners. If your son, or my daughter, was asked by a non parent, “How’s the summer intern thing going?” and responded, “It’s good” the offspring's answer would be bordering on rude. Somehow these kids think they can get away with bad behavior with their parents.

Hi Jenn, You definitely have a point. I guess I could have phrased the question more delicately. But the reason I was "inquiring" about the shaving thing was that I wanted him to put his "best face forward" professionally. I know from having been in the working world for so long what he, as a working neophyte, may not realize: that a scruffy face might not reflect well on him -- rightly or wrongly -- in an office setting.

That said, I like your idea about asking what he planned on doing with his salary except for one problem: he's not being paid in anything other than "experience" (though it's an excellent one). In my part of the country (NY), unpaid internships seem to be the rule...Thanks so much for reading and writing. Cheers, Laurie

My son reacts to my interest in his life in exactly the same way as your son. But becomes quite chatty when he needs money. Perhaps I should strike a deal with him...money in exchange for information.